"This ability to connect, through ‘ordinariness’, is not only achieved from the plot, but also from the almost ‘unrefined’ and ‘rough’ artistic drawings, as well as from the use of slang in the dialogue."
In my own word: The plot, rough artistic drawings, and slang increases let readers connect on a personal level.
Reasonable? i.e., there could be other ways of viewing the text, debatable and not true
Particular? i.e., the claim comes from findings based upon observations
Resulting from slow reading? i.e., comes from re-reading and not a simple plot retelling
The thesis is not an evaluative claim, which is good. The thesis is opinionated and therefore reasonable. The thesis can be supported directly from the observations of the literary work. Two of the supports "'rough artistic drawings" and "use of slang" has clear evidence that they come from re-reading and not plot retelling.
The word "connect" might be too abstract. However, as "connect" is defined by the previous sentence, I think the reader will understand the meaning. I am more concerned about the word "ordinariness" and "plot". Specifically, "ordinariness" (or ordinary as its original adjective), needs a more concrete noun to be specific, whereas the word "plot" needs an adjective to be specific. If possible, you can combine them into an "ordinary plot". Also, to a reader, it is obvious that "unrefined" and "rough" have the same meaning. If possible, you remove either of them. Other than the suggestions above, the thesis is a concrete thesis.
- 1: - Evidence1: A picture implies perfectiveness of that picture, while life can not always be perfect and can’t always be seen through that picture. The drawings that Erica Eng draws bring the reader ordinariness by keeping the imagery and style unrefined. - Explanation1: The artwork brings a sense of closeness and smallness that highly realistic artwork wouldn’t be able to bring. This causes an intimacy between the comic and the reader and this intimacy allows the reader to feel that they are the same as the character.
- 1: - Evidence1: The use of the word “Lit” (page 32 , bottom panel) by Mins cousins and the conversation of having to explain it to her mom who is both not american and not young... - Explanation1: ... is a precious feeling of normalcy and intimacy that can’t be created anywhere else. - 2: - Evidence2: Furthermore, Min’s cousin's conversation with her friend using the slang “ang mohs” (page 37 , left panel) in a joking manner ... - Explanation2: ... creates an atmosphere of closeness and feeling that anybody could be speaking.
In Claim1: I think explanation1 need to be more elaborate since the connection from "ambition" and "rejection" to "everyday life" is weak. One who sees CMU as their dream school might assume that rejection to one's dream school is considered ordinary. You can mention something like "since the chance of getting into dream school is low for common people".
Claim2: Claim2 only has one evidence (evidence1) to support it, which might not make claim2 strong enough. (eg. find evidence to support that "drawing is rough")
Claim1: evidence is sufficient. But it may need more explanation (see above)
Claim2: Evidence1 might not be sufficient since "imperfection" is an interpretation, not an observation directly from the literary work. Consider pointing out a specific stroke that made you think the literary work is imperfect.
Claim3: both evidence and explanation are sufficient.
FIND TOPIC SENTENCES, CLAIM EVIDENCE EXPLANATION, ORDER STRUCTURE
The essay generally follows the structure of topic sentences, a claims-evidence-explanation argument structure, and a meaningful conclusion except for the following points:
In Claim1: In my opinion, subclaim2, evidence2, and explanation2 can be simplified by changing the order of sentences by putting all evidence first, and explanation after. In this way, a claims-evidence-explanation argument structure can be made. If you intended to include 3 explanations and I have failed to separate your 2nd and 3rd explanations, then consider adding a concrete example.
Claim2 and Claim3 are in the same paragraph, consider separating them so that the reader can find your topic sentence3 at the beginning of paragraph4. I highly encourage you to fix this.
The author makes good use of quotations and framed them in the text in a way that is connected to the surrounding text.
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